Cumming Attractions

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Andy Rooney

Andy the Andorian, a cuddly plush character from "The Old Days." May require a body double for some scenes.

Quote: Did you ever notice how older white guys never get cast as porn stars? Well, I have and it really bugs me. Vote for me and change the trend.


Anij - The Older Woman

Picard didn't get none in "Insurrection", so the Red Shirt Diaries may be his only chance with Anij.

That is...unless someone else (or multiple "someone's") "lives in the moment" with her FIRST...

Quote: Vote for me, and I'll show you all the stuff I learned instead of swimming.


Julian Bashir as "Don Juan"

The Latin Lovin' Machine! Fully Articulated!

Quote: Vote for me. I wahl mak jou hoppy.


Riddle me this, Bele!

Why is Bele in Ginger Spice's dress? Heck if I know.

But doesn't he look cute?

Quote: Woo ho ho! Whoo ho ho! Riddle me this Batman! When is a vote for me a good thing? ALWAYS!

Joe Boxer

Joe Boxer

This phallic shaped little fellah is the latest addition to Voyager's crew. (From the two part Episode "Very, very tired." and the conclusion "Napping now. Go away.")

Joe has limited articulation, but stands stiffly and bounces right back, making him an excellent cast choice for the Red Shirt Diaries.

Quote: Blarg. Wafa wafa.

Party Dukat

Party Boy Dukat

Always the life of the party, Dukat rocks out in the Red Shirt Diaries.

And, Yes ladies, that armor DOES come off.

Quote: Vote for me, or I will sic the Obsidian Order on you.


The E.M.H.

Just what DOES "EMH" stand for? We've seen everything from "Emergency Marketing Hologram" to "Emasculated Menial Houseboy."

The EMH has asked for a second "Engorged Masculine Hunk". Vote for him and give him a chance!

Quote: You haven't seen "Fully Functional" until you've seen my new subroutines. Vote for me!

Emperor and Mitsy

The Emperor and Mitsy

Meet Star Wars' Emperor and his new teenaged girlfriend, Mitsy.

These two swingers are looking for a a Menage-a-Troi (?) that could destroy the world!

Quote (Emperor): With every passing moment, you make yourself more my servant. Vote for us.

Quote (Mitsy): Tee hee!

Ms. Utah

Ms. Utah

The frustrated runner up in the Ms. Delta Quadrant competition. This individual is looking for love.

In all the wrong places?

Quote: If it weren't for my addiction to Kitracel-white I would have won. Maybe I'm just too fat. Oh. Vote for me.

Biker Kira

Intendant Kira

Fresh over from the Ms. Mirror/Mirror Universe competition, Intendant Kira resents the term "short pack" and "loose."

She's looking forward to teaching some "unpunched" Trek characters some...interesting lessons.

Quote: Got milk?

Disco Kirk

Disco-Era Kirk

The latest re-hash of the Kirk character from Playmates. Disco Kirk is dressed in the outfit he was seen wearing ("briefly") in the Classic Episode "Spock's Brain II: Electric Boogaloo.

Featuring the "Admiral Kirk" head mold, this figure fulfills the Electra complex for all Next Gen dolls.

Quote: Want some candy, little Yeoman?


Miles O'Brien as "The Greatest American Hero"

Given a super suit by aliens (who neglected to give him instructions on its use!) Miles fights crime and looks for true love on the side.

OK, vote for Miles and I'll come up with something funnier. Promise.

Quote: Vote for me! I can be funny too!

Molly O'Brien

Molly O'Brien as "Lil Stinker"

NO! You guys are sick! She's just a kid!

Molly is just an extra. I swear.

Quote: Eeeeeew! Cooties!


Picard as "Bill S. Preston, Esquire"

Rock star extrodinare. Who will have the guts to tame this Wyld Stallion?

His long lost love, Ted "Theodore" Logan? Anij? Scooter? Who can say?

Quote: I'd rather be "Bono," but Chris thinks the "Bill and Ted" reference is funnier. Go figure. Vote for me.


Ru'Afo as "Scooter"

Scooter works down at the local Pump-n-Sip. One of the original "Little Rascals."

Dresses well, but others are still repulsed by his "Joan Rivers" visage.

Quote: Fill 'er up, M'am?


Talosian as "That Guy From Rear Window"

Wheelchair bound, this guy gets his jollies by using his little monitor pad to peer into the lives of others.

Does an excellent Jimmy Stewart impersonation.

Quote: That sinister looking Kira is coming to kill me!



She's hot. She's in lingerie. I've got a Barbie Bedroom Set ready and waiting.

Vote for her. Please.

Quote: Hailing frequencies open, sugar.


Yoda as "Grandpa Smurf"

Yoda is best described as...a collector. Always hanging around the toy aisles looking for the latest hot item.

Yoda is also described as a dirty old man. He lives in a swamp and takes on young boys to "train." You figure it out.

Quote: Feel the force flowing through you as you Vote for me!


Admiral Stinkybottom or maybe Napoleon

A bit part prepared for the Bill-n-Scooter theme. Or a stand-alone character.

Wearing a cool outfit I picked up at Target for $0.34

Quote: I'm not wearing any pants. Vote for me!

So! There you have it....19 new characters, all waiting for their chance at stardom in the Red Shirt Diaries!

Who do you want to see more of? Let me know in an email or on the forums.

New characters will be added as they become available, so check back often!

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