Sicko Santa - Day 18

Day One: Head Cheese

When it came time for Elf R to bring in her challenges, she decided that the focus on "Asian Cuisine" was limiting the focus of the group. There were, she knew, culinary treats from her childhood that few, if any, of the other Elves had been exposed to. Food, she knew, that would inspire fear where mere squid could not.

To this end, she selected three MEATS OF EVIL. Due to scheduling conflicts, the meat was forced to sit in the company refrigerator for several days before the Elves could partake of them. The terror was doubled knowing these challenges might not be "deli fresh" anymore.

The order of the meats was selected randomly by the Elves themselves - and, unlucky bunch that they are, they drew the most evil of the batch first.

Head Cheese.

For those of you lucky enough not to know what head cheese is, let me steal the current definition from Wikipedia for you:

Head cheese (AmE) or brawn (BrE) is in fact not a cheese, but rather a terrine of meat from the head of a calf or pig (sometimes a sheep or cow) that would not otherwise be considered appealing. It may also include meat from the feet and heart. It is usually eaten cold or at room temperature as a luncheon meat.

Historically the cleaned (all organs removed) head was simmered to produce a gelatin (which would form from the bone marrow) containing any incidental meat which came off the head. The more modern method involves adding gelatin to meat, which is then cooked in a mold.

Above is a close-up of the Head Cheese. I'm not sure who would call this "appealing", wiki reassurance or not. The only thing the elves had going for them was that this particular blob of evil was produced by Kowalski Meats, a very reputable vendor. The package also identified this as "Hot Head Cheese"; hopefully the spices would be overpowering.

A slice of the meat was cut up and placed on crackers. Each elf took a sample and the fun began.

Elf R, of course, had no problems. "I like it!"

Elf J was the first to comment on the texture: "It's not bad, but the gelatin parts are just nasty in texture."

Elf M chewed his thoughtfully, then decided "it's very spicy - between that and the cracker I'm not getting much." He then, bravely, took another sample sans cracker. "Okay. The texture here is not a good thing. The flavor still isn't bad."

Elf I showed her usual reluctance. "I know how this stuff is MADE. I don't think I can get past that."

When offered the option of "Double crackers" so the texture would be completely muffled she agreed to take at least a bite.

"It is spicy," she agreed, after washing her mouth out with Diet Coke. "But I'll never eat it again."

A few days later, Elves A and J2 returned from a business trip. The Head Cheese leftovers were still in the fridge. They tried them.

Elf A was up for the challenge - "Not something I'd ever pick out, but I can deal with it. Very spicy."

Elf J2, though, caught a bad bit on her taste buds - "Oh! The white bits! GAG!!!!"

To their credit, none of the elves threw up after this challenge, all continued on to taste the next of the MEATS OF EVIL.

Overall Elf Evaluation:

This was a real challenge. If you didn't know what it was, it might not be to bad. Ignorance would have been bliss.

Click to move on to the next challenge!


Portions of this site make extensive use of Macromedia Flash.
If you're not seeing anything above the line you may need the free Flash Player. Get it here.

This site displayed with 100% post-consumer recycled electrons.

LEGO® is a trademark of the LEGO Group, which does not sponsor, authorize or endorse this web site.
Please be sure to visit the REAL LEGO homepage at

All Content ©1986-2009-through the End of Time by Christopher Doyle


Subscribe   |   Bookmark and Share  |  Read updates on your Livejournal Friendslist