- Name: Luke Skywalker
- Age: 26
- Marital Status: Single
- Occupation: Jedi Master, Moisture Farmer
- Hometown: Lar's Homestead, Tatooine
- Survivor Quote: "You're not my father!"
- Luxury Item: Lightsaber
Son of the immensely evil Darth Vader, Luke's early life was fraught with peril and hardship.
"Yeah, you know, sometimes I'd want to go down to Toshi station to pick up some stuff, and my Uncle Ben was always raggin' on me to do my chores first. It really bit."
The Lars were fated to die early in Luke's life, however, leaving him free to search for the power of the force.
"It's really groovy," says the Jedi on the all powerful force that binds the galaxy together. "I can get junk for free just by mind-tricking clerks, and I never have to ask a girl for a second date."
Dating is foremost on Luke's mind these days, as he finally has some "quality time" with his sister Leia. "She's a real fox, and I know she wants me. You should have seen us this one time on Hoth. I was in the med-center, and she came up and gave me this big 'ole kiss. It's great to be away from Han for a while so we can see where our feelings can go."
When asked about the incest issue, Luke waved his hand in front of our reporter and said "There is no issue. These aren't the droids you're looking for. Move along."